No, seriously. She has a mouth like a lamprey, a smile like a clown, teeth like vulture, eyes like... well, they're fairly normal, I guess, and skin the exact colour of a roast chicken delicately glazed with apricot puree. SHE IS A HORRIFYING ORANGE PSEUDO-HUMAN. Please, please look at her objectively and you will see what I mean.
Man, I can't believe I'm writing about an effing celebrity but it needs to be said: stay away from this Playboy clone. She was maufactured on a distant planet, sent here to observe our ways, and landed in some Jersey Shore fraternity on Fake-Tan Night. She is inhuman, grotesque and must be stopped.
Saints above. She will chew your face off without a second thought.
I think she topped Google searches at one stage. I shudder to think why. Maybe her fellow aliens (Paris Hilton, Kendra and the rest of the E! channel horde) are trying to keep in touch with their alien queen.
ReplyDeleteI seriously, seriously do not rank her as hot or beautiful. And she has the most shocking tattoos. She brings shame to those of us who have good ones.