I am going to tell you a sad story, about me.
A few days ago, on Saturday the 17th, I went to the first of a number of seminars designed to teach me how to become a cultural diversity facilitator. It was a long day and though I was prepared to deal with some ego issues and so forth, and have been extensively prepped on the subject matter from doing Anthropology, one incident sticks out on my memory.
(First, a little about the course. There were 18 facilitators-in-training, a few trainers, and the programme organiser. The group was politically-correctly homogenous, crossing the age, sex, colour, and class boundaries in a way so clearly aritificial it was almost nauseating.)
We had just finished defining prejudice (for the purpose of the course) and then had to introduce the person sitting next to us to the room. Everyone took their turn and di their thing, and it was interesting and enlightening. Then, one woman began introducing the woman next to her. They were both fairly young mothers, I'm guessing in their early thirties, and had obviously been talking about their children. So, this woman said that her partner's 'greatest achievement' was raising her 14-year-old son to be a good man (verbatim).
Here we come to the sad part. Upon hearing those words, I immediately thought: "Oh dear, I know what that means: she's raising him on a solid diet of feminist rhetoric. That poor guy is going to grow up to be omigosh Thomas WHAT THE HELL.You are the most terrible person."
Okay, well, that is rather sad. Unfortunately, it gets worse. Because throughout the entire course she... wow I really wish I wasn't saying this but she confirmed my every suspicion. I can't describe the scene except it was like watching someone about to stab themself in the face, and there's nothing you can do about it. And then I felt terrible for developing that judgement based on an earlier judgement and then I felt angry at the world for not jumping in and proving to me that I was wrong to make snap decisions. Remember, this was just after a section on why prejudice is bad. I was choking on the irony.
Now I understand I could simply have found 'objectionable' things in what she was saying to justify my earlier judgement and thus enable myself to feel self-righteous about the entire mess. And even using the word objectionable is a cause for sadness, because it speaks of my own intolerance towards certain movements, or at least ways of expressing certain ideologies. But the saddest part is, referring to my possible self-justification: I don't think that was the case.
I think I managed to walk away from a transformative session on the dangers of prejudice with reinforced set of prejudices. No wonder I was so bloody miserable on Saturday.
Doilies, Vases and Greek Life Lessons
9 years ago
Thomas...some of us want to raise our sons as we would normally our daughters. I know you have aversions to feminists and feminism, but not all of us wrap men up in silk, bite them and then leave them to rot on our webs because they'll taste better decomposed.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry if I've given feminists bad press and maybe discouraged you from even listening to us, but maybe her son has been raised to be aware of the various difficulties women face. I think its quite admirable, and I hope that I can raise my son to not be heteronormative.
What did she say that was particularly objectionable, though? Maybe you weren't as off the mark as you think you were?
I suppose my response would be this: if you had a daughter, would you be equally willing to raise her to be a good woman, understanding the problems that men face? Because, though it is not often talked about, men to experience some pretty serious problems. I really don't want to be preachy or anything. All I ask for is balance.
ReplyDeleteThe thing I found objectionable is that she said 'man' and not 'person'. And I understand that this is my pathology, my problem, as much or more than it is hers. However, I do believe that we should raised our children without gender ideology. Teaching them to be respectful of other people, in all their wonderfulness, seems to me to be the best option.
But, that's just my opinion. Also, now that I am aware of my response, I can approach her (if the conversation arises) with a consciousness of my own bias and thus the ability to whithold judgement until I have spoken to her personally.